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Cher as ALEXANDRA MEDFORD: Men are not the answer to everything.
Susan Sarandon as JANE SPOFFORD: So why do we always end up talking about them?
DARYL VAN HORNE: The world keeps growing, and you feed it. But it doesn't feed you, does it? It washes through you, down the drain, wasted. A woman is a hole, isn't that what they say? All the futility of the world pouring into her. How much can you take, Alex? How much can you take before you snap? Lying on your bed, looking at the ceiling waiting for something to happen. And knowing all the time you were meant for something better. Feeling it. Wanting it. Use me, Alex. Use me. Fill me up. I can take it. Make it happen. Don't wait. Make it happen. Do it, Alex. Do it now.
JANE SPOFFORD: So what brings you to Eastwick?
DARYL VAN HORNE: We're going to have a polite conversation.
JANE SPOFFORD: I'm sorry.
DARYL VAN HORNE: No, I don't mind.
I came to Eastwick because I was drawn here I needed a place to settle down and I liked the house.
JANE SPOFFORD: It has a history.
DARYL VAN HORNE: Rubbish.
JANE SPOFFORD: No, it's true. They say they used to burn witches there.
DARYL VAN HORNE: Hocus pocus. The entire witchcraft scare as far back as the 14th century, was started by the medical profession. They were trying to get the midwives out of the childbirthing business. That's what most of the women they burned were. Midwives.
DARYL VAN HORNE: Breathe into it. Don't tighten up. Feel it. Hold it. Love it! That's it. That's right. Now! That's right. Do you feel that? Let it wash over you. Let it tickle you.
JANE SPOFFORD: Is that true?
DARYL VAN HORNE: You better believe it. Just another example of male-dominated professional society exploiting females for their own selfish purposes. Men are such cocksuckers, aren't they? You don't have to answer that. It's true. Their dicks get limp when confronted by a powerful woman, so what do they do? Call them witches. Burn them, torture them until every woman is afraid. Afraid of herself, afraid of men. And all for what? Fear of losing their hard-on.
Michelle Pfeiffer as SUKIE RIDGEMONT: It's natural because the world is a peculiar place.
DARYL VAN HORNE: And you're a very peculiar person.
SUKIE RIDGEMONT: Thank you.
Jack Nicholson as DARYL VAN HORNE: I would love to be a woman.
SUKIE RIDGEMONT: Really? Why?
DARYL VAN HORNE: Just look what you can do with your bodies. Make babies and make milk to feed the babies. If I could do that...
SUKIE RIDGEMONT: Who are you, really?
DARYL VAN HORNE: Anybody you want me to be. Look at what they can do. These are human beings.
SUKIE RIDGEMONT: When you're a kid and don't understand anything you think when you grow up it will all make sense. Then when you grow up, you keep waiting for the day. You think it ever happens?
JANE SPOFFORD: It starts when you open your eyes and realize what the future has in store for you.
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As Good As It Gets