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with Fran Drescher as Joy Miller and Timothy Dalton as Boris Pochenko from 1997 movie directed by Ken Kwapis and written by Todd Graff
Quotes and pictures
BORIS: Joy Miller.
Me making a statement, you making a mumbled comment after.
No good. Here, I talk last.
JOY: Fine. I understand.
Who could get a word in edgeways?
BORIS: You do it again! Just teach my children. That's all. And
don't do that thing again.
JOY: All right.
BORIS: You want to do it, don't you?
JOY: Doesn't it bother you that your children fear you?
BORIS: It is not fear. It is respect.
JOY: Oh, excuse me! You instil fear, you earn respect.
Let me tell you three things.
One, that place is a sweatshop. Two, all that phoney hero-worship. How could that be satisfying? Three, well one and two should be enough!
BORIS: Do I not intimidate you at all?
JOY: Is one of your sideburns shorter than the other?
BORIS: You said sideburns. They're done now.
JOY: All right, no pressure. A lot of great men had moustaches.
JOY: That's who you want to look like? What are you afraid of? Do you have a harelip under there?
BORIS: Who can even remember?
JOY: It catches crumbs.
BORIS: It does not.
JOY: It does.
BORIS: It doesn't.
JOY: When you eat Danish.
BORIS: Really? Who cares? It is my image.
JOY: Exactly, beast. You've got all those important diplomats coming, you wanna sell 'em. Look, that says groomed. Civilised. Sonny Bono shaved off his moustache. Now he's a congressman.
BORIS: But I've had this moustache for 20 years?
JOY: That's exactly how many years I'm gonna knock off you, baby. Would you just trust me? My aunt Marilyn never looked better. Attaboy. See, this isn't gonna hurt one bit. That summit thing's another huge mistake.
BORIS: What do you mean?
JOY: It'd be better if you threw a party. I mean,
you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
BORIS: It's not wise to plead poverty to foreign leaders, then spend a fortune on their dignitaries.
JOY: You don't have to spend a fortune. Forget sit-down. Do the whole thing buffet out in the courtyard. Alfresco. You can skip the open bar, too. They're all on expense accounts. I'd say use a DJ, but live music can really make an event. Done.
JOY: Be careful. A girl could get used to this.
BORIS: You should. I'll just keep having parties. Something's wrong?
JOY: Yeah. Before I get into it,
let me say that I feel my work here is done.
The kids are doing great. I finally got you into a pair of loafers. Tonight's party is gonna be a gorgeous affair.
BORIS: What are you talking about?
JOY: I've not been totally honest with you. I'm not a real teacher.
I just have a beauty licence.
BORIS: Beauty licence?
JOY: I teach make-up and hair. It's all I know. First, it was easy to pretend. Then I started to fall in love with... your kids. I got to know you much better and now it just seems wrong.
BORIS: What kind of man do you take me for?
JOY: I hope one that sees the bigger picture.
BORIS: You have the nerve to come here and
tell me you're not a teacher,
when you are the best teacher I have ever known.
JOY: I am?
BORIS: Yes. The children blossomed before my eyes. They're happy, confident. If that's from learning hair, tomorrow I make new law. All teachers must have beauty licence.
JOY: Mr President, I dunno what to say.
BORIS: Oh, my God. Call an ambulance! She doesn't know what to say. Perhaps I should take advantage of this silence and
ask for the evening's first dance.
JOY: A slow dance? I've never been good at the Arthur Murray thing. This is nice.
BORIS: Is simple. Just follow me. And... One, two, three. One, two, three...
JOY: I feel kinda silly without any music.
BORIS: There, you see. You are a wonderful dancer.
JOY: I guess all I needed was a great leader.
JOY: Oh, thank you.
BORIS: I couldn't stay away. Before you make me leave, let me tell you three things. One, I've released the boy and I'm having free elections in the spring. Two, I love you. I can't live another day without you. And, three...
JOY: One and two is plenty.
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