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Alice In Wonderland (1951) script

based on the Alice books by Lewis Carroll, story by W. Hibler, T. Sears, B. Peet, E. Penner, J. Rinaldi, M. Banta, W. Cottrell, D. Kelsey, J. Grant... ; more movie
 
# Alice in Wonderland
# How do you get to Wonderland?
# Over the hill or underland
# Or just behind the tree?
# When clouds go rolling by
# They roll away and leave the sky
# Where is the land beyond the eye
# That people cannot see?
# Where can it be?
# Where do stars go?
# Where is the crescent moon?
# They must be somewhere
# In a sunny afternoon
# Alice in Wonderland
# Where is the path to Wonderland?
# Over the hill or here or there
# I wonder where #
[buzzing]
..wanted leaders, and had been of late
much accustomed to usurpation and conquest.
Edwin and Morcar, the Earls of Mercia and Northumbria declared for him,
and even Stigand...
- Alice. - Hm?
[sighs] I'm listening.
And even Stigand, the Archbishop of Canterbury,
agreed to meet with William and offer him the crown.
- [Alice giggles] - William's conduct at first was...
Alice.
Will you kindly pay attention to your history lesson.
I'm sorry. But how can one possibly pay attention
to a book with no pictures in it?
My dear child, there are many good books in this world without pictures.
In this world, perhaps.
But in my world the books would be nothing but pictures.
Your world? What nonsense.
- Nonsense? - Once more, from the beginning.
That's it, Dinah.
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense.
Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't.
And, contrariwise, what it is, it wouldn't be.
And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?
[meows]
In my world, you wouldn't say meow.
- You'd say, Yes, Miss Alice. - [meows]
But you would. You'd be just like people, Dinah.
And all the other animals, too.
In my world...
# Cats and rabbits would reside in fancy little houses
# And be dressed in shoes and hats and trousers
# In a world of my own
# All the flowers would have very extra special powers
# They would sit and talk to me for hours
# When I'm lonely in a world of my own
# There'd be new birds
# Lots of nice and friendly howdy-do birds
# Everyone would have a dozen bluebirds
# Within that world of my own
# I could listen to a babbling brook
# And hear a song that I could understand
# I keep wishing it could be that way
# Because my world would be a wonderland #
[whistles]
[meows]
Oh, Dinah. It's just a rabbit with a waistcoat... and a watch.
My fur and whiskers! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!
This is curious. What could a rabbit possibly be late for?
Please, sir.
I'm late, I'm late for a very important date.
No time to say hello, goodbye. I'm late, late, late.
It must be awfully important, like a party or something.
Mr. Rabbit. Wait!
No, no, no, I'm overdue. I'm really in a stew.
No time to say goodbye, hello. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late.
My. What a peculiar place to have a party.
[meows]
You know, Dinah, we really shouldn't... be doing this.
[voice echoes] After all, we haven't been invited...
and curiosity often leads to trouble. [shrieks]
Goodbye, Dinah. Goodbye!
Oh...
Well, after this I shall think nothing of... of falling down stairs.
[clock chimes]
Oh!
[sighs]
[yelps]
Goodness. What if I should fall right through the centre of the Earth...
and come out the other side where people walk upside down?
But that's silly. Nobody...
Oh!
Mr. Rabbit. Wait. Please.
[creaking]
Curiouser and curiouser.
[footsteps]
- Ow. - [shrieks]
I beg your pardon.
Quite all right, but you did give me quite a turn.
- I was following... - Rather good, what? Door knob, turn.
- Please, sir. - One good turn deserves another.
- What can I do for you? - I'm looking for a white rabbit.
- So, if you don't mind... - Eh?
Oh.
There he is. I simply must get through.
Sorry. You're much too big. Simply impassable.
- You mean impossible. - No, impassable. Nothing's impossible.
- Try the bottle on the table. - Table?
Read the directions. Directly you'll be directed in the right direction.
Drink me. Hm.
Better look first, for if one drinks much from a bottle marked Poison,
it's almost certain to disagree with one sooner or later.
- Beg your pardon? - Just giving myself some good advice.
But...
Tastes like cherry tart.
Custard, pineapple, roast turkey.
Goodness!
- What did I do? - [doorknob chuckles]
You almost went out like a candle.
But look. I'm just the right size.
No use. [laughs] I forgot to tell you. I'm locked.
Oh, no.
- But, of course, you've got the key. - What key?
Don't tell me you've left it up there.
[Alice] Oh, dear.
- Whatever will I do? - Try the box, naturally.
Oh!
Eat me. All right.
But goodness knows what this will do.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
[muffled speech]
What did you say?
I said a little of that went a long way. [laughs]
I don't think it's so funny.
Now I shall never get out.
Come, come, now. Crying won't help.
I know, but I... I... I just can't seem to stop.
Hey. This won't do.
Oh, oh, oh...
[doorknob] This won't do at all.
You, up there, stop!
I say. Look.
The bottle. The bott...
Oh, dear. I do wish I hadn't cried so much.
[foghorn]
# A sailor's life is the life for me
# How I love to sail o'er the bounding sea
# I never, ever do a thing about the weather
# For the weather never ever does a thing for me
# Oh, a sailor's life is the life for me
[hoots]
# And I never... #
Ahoy, and other nautical expressions.
Land ho, by jove.
- Where away, Dodo? - Dodo?
Three points to starboard. Away, me hearties.
Have you in port in no time at all now.
Mr. Dodo. Please. Please help me.
Pardon me, but would you mind helping me? Please?
[Alice] Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo!
Help me. Please.
[gurgles] Help me.
# Forward, backward, inward, outward Come and join the chase
# Nothing could be drier than a jolly caucus race
# Backward, forward, outward, inward Bottom to the top
# Never a beginning There can never be a stop
# Skipping, hopping, tripping Fancy free and gay
# Started it tomorrow but will finish yesterday
# Round and round and round we go until for ever more
# Once we were behind, but now we find we are
# Forward, backward, inward, outward Come and join the chase
# Nothing could be drier than a jolly caucus race #
- I say, you'll never get dry that way. - Get dry?
Have to run with the others. First rule of the caucus race.
But how can I...?
That's better. Have you dry in no time now.
No one can ever get dry this way.
Nonsense. I'm as dry as a bone already.
- Yes, but... - [Dodo] All right, let's have it now.
[Dodo] Look lively.
The white rabbit. Mr. Rabbit.
- My goodness. I'm late. - Don't go away. I'll be right back.
- I'm late. - [Dodo] Don't step on the fish.
[Dodo] Watch it. Stop kicking that mackerel. Brilliant. Jolly well done.
Mr. Rabbit. Oh, Mr. Rabbit.
Oh, dear. I'm sure he came this way.
Do you suppose he could be hiding?
Hmm. Not here.
I wonder...
No. I suppose he must have... [gasps]
Why. What peculiar little figures.
- Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. - [honks]
If you think we're waxworks, you ought to pay, you know.
If you think we're alive, you ought to speak to us.
[both honk]
- That's logic. - Well...
It's been nice meeting you. Goodbye.
- You're beginning backwards. - First thing in a visit is to say...
# How do you do and shake hands, shake hands, shake hands
# How do you do and shake hands, state your name and business #
- That's manners. - Really?
Well my name is Alice and I'm following a white rabbit, so...
- You can't go yet. - No, the visit has just started.
- I'm very sorry. - Would you like to play hide-and-seek?
- Or Button? Who's got the button? - No, thank you.
If you stay long enough, we might have a battle.
That's very kind of you, but I must be going.
- Why? - Because I'm following a white rabbit.
- Why? - I'm curious to know where he's going.
Oh, she's curious.
The oysters were curious, too, weren't they?
Aye, and you remember what happened to them.
Poor things.
Why? What did happen to the oysters?
- Oh, you wouldn't be interested. - But I am.
Oh, no. You're in much too much of a hurry.
Well, perhaps I could spare a little time.
You could? Well...
The Walrus and the Carpenter.
Or The Story of the Curious Oysters.
# The sun was shining on the sea Shining with all his might
# He did his very best to make the billows smooth and bright
# And this was odd because it was
# The middle of the night
# The walrus and the carpenter were walking close at hand
# The beach was wide from side to side, but much too full of sand
[Tweedle Dee] Mr. Walrus, said the carpenter
My brain begins to perk
We'll sweep this clear in half a year if you don't mind the work
Work? [grumbles]
- The time has come - [Tweedle Dee] The walrus said
To talk of other things
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax and cabbages and kings
And why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings
Caloo, callay, no work today
We're cabbages and kings
[whistles]
Oysters, come and walk with us
The day is warm and bright
A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk would be a sheer delight
And should we get hungry on the way, we'll stop and have a bite
[grumbles]
[Dee] But Mother Oyster winked her eye and shook her heavy head
She knew too well this was no time to leave her oyster bed
The sea is nice, take my advice
- And stay right here - [Dee] Mum said
Yes, yes, of course, of course.
But, ha-ha, the time has come, my little friends,
to talk of other things
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, cabbages and kings
And why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings
Caloo, callay, come run away
With cabbages and kings
[whistles]
[clears throat] Well, now, let me see.
Ah. A loaf of bread is what we chiefly need.
And how about some pepper and salt and vinegar, eh?
Yes, yes. Splendid idea. Very good indeed.
Now, if you're ready, oysters, dear,
[chuckles] we can begin the feed.
- [oysters] Feed? - Oh yes.
The time has come, my little friends, to talk of food and things
Of peppercorns and mustard seed and other seasonings
We'll mix them all together in a sauce that's fit for kings
Caloo, callay, we'll eat today
Like cabbages and kings
[whistles]
I, er, I weep for you, I... [hiccups]
Excuse me, I deeply sympathize
For I've enjoyed your company much more than you realize
Little oysters, little oysters
[Dee] But answer there came none
[Dum] And this was scarcely odd because they'd been eaten, every one
Hmm. Well, er...
[chuckles]
The time has come
# With cabbages and kings #
The end.
- That was a very sad story. - Aye.
- And there's a moral to it. - Oh yes, a very good moral.
If you happen to be an oyster.
- Well, it's been a very nice visit. - Another recitation.
Entitled Father William.
First verse:
# You are old Father William, the young man said
# And your hair has become very white
# And yet you incessantly stand on your head
# Do you think at your age it is right? Do you think at your age it is right?
In my youth, Father William replied to his son
I'd do it again and again and again...
I wonder who lives here.
[Rabbit] Mary Ann. Drat that girl. Where could she have put them?
- The rabbit. - Mary Ann?
No use, can't wait, I'm awfully late. Oh me, oh my.
Excuse me, sir, but I've been trying to...
- Mary Ann, what are you doing out here? - Mary Ann?
Don't just do something, stand there.
- No, no. Go get my gloves. I'm late. - For what? That's just what I...
My gloves! At once! Do you hear?
Goodness. I suppose I'll be taking orders from Dinah next.
Hmm. Now, let me see.
If I were a rabbit, where would I keep my gloves?
Oh.
Thank you. Don't mind if I do.
[hums]
Oh, no, no. Not again.
[shrieks] Mary Ann!
You see here, Mary Ann.
Help!
[screams] Help!
Help! Monster!
- Help! Assistance! - [trumpet]
[Alice strains]
- [Rabbit] A monster, Dodo, in my house. - Dodo?
- My poor house. - Steady, old chap.
- Can't be as bad as all that. - My poor roof and rafters.
All my walls. There it is!
By jove. Jolly well is, isn't it?
Do something.
Yes, indeed. Extraordinary situation, but...
But... but what?
[hoots]
But I have a very simple solution.
- Thank goodness. - [Rabbit] What is it?
- Simply pull it out the chimney. - Go ahead. Pull it out.
Who? Me? Don't be ridiculous.
What we need is a...
[whistling]
...a lizard with a ladder.
Oh! Bill! Bill, we need a lazard with a lidder.
- Can you help us? - At your service, guv'nor.
Bill, me lad, have you ever been down a chimney?
Guv'nor, I been down more chimneys...
Excellent. You just pop down the chimney and haul that monster out of there.
Righto, guv'nor. Monster? [screams]
[Rabbit and Dodo shout]
Come now. That's better, m'lad.
You're passing up a golden opportunity.
I am?
- You can be famous. - I can?
Of course. There's a brave lad.
In you go, now. Nothing to it, old boy.
Simply tie your tail around the monster's neck and drag it out.
- But, guv'nor... - Good luck, Bill.
[prepares to sneeze]
[sneezes]
Well,... there goes Bill.
Poor Bill.
Perhaps we should try a more energetic remedy.
Yes, anything, anything, but hurry.
I propose that we...
- Yes, go on. Yes? Yes? - I propose that we...
[shrieks]
By jove, that's it. We'll burn the house down.
Yes. Burn the house...? What?
Oh, no.
# We'll smoke the blighter out
# We'll put the beast to rout
Some kindling, just a stick or two
- This bit of rubbish ought to do - Oh, dear.
# We'll smoke the blighter out
# We'll smoke the monster out
No, no. Not my beautiful bird house.
# We'll roast the blighter's toes
# We'll toast the bounder's nose Just fetch that gate
We'll make it clear that monsters aren't welcome here
- Oh me, oh my. - A match. Thank you.
# Without a single doubt We'll smoke the monster out
# We'll smoke the monster out #
No. My poor house and furniture.
Oh, dear. This is serious.
I simply must... [gasps] A garden.
Perhaps if I eat something, it will make... me... grow small.
Ow! Let go! Help!
- I'm sorry, but I must eat something. - Not me, you... you... barbarian.
Help!
Monster!
Help!
I'm late. Oh, dear. I'm here. I should be there. I'm late.
- I say, do you have a match? - Must go. Goodbye, hello.
- I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. - Wait. Please wait.
Ah, young lady, do you have a match?
No, I'm sorry but... Mr. Rabbit.
No cooperation, no cooperation at all.
Well, can't have monsters about.
Jolly well have to carry on alone.
[blows]
Wait. Please. Just a minute.
Oh, dear. I'll never catch him while I'm this small.
- Curious butterflies. - [female] Bread-and-butterflies.
Yes, of course... Hm?
Who do you suppose...?
[whinnies]
A horsefly. I mean, a rocking-horsefly.
- [female] Naturally. - I beg your pardon, but did you...?
That's nonsense. Flowers can't talk.
But of course we can talk, my dear.
If there's anyone worth talking to.
Or about. [giggles]
- And we sing, too. - You do?
Oh, yes. Would you like to hear Tell It To The Tulips?
- No, let's sing about us. - We know one about the shy violet.
- Not that old thing. - Lovely lily of the valley.
- A daisy duet? - She wouldn't like that.
Girls. We shall sing Golden Afternoon.
That's about all of us.
Sound your A, Lily.
[sings] La!
[all sing] Me, me, me, me, me!
[sings] La, la, la, la, la!
[sings arpeggio]
[sings bass notes]
[all hum in harmony]
# Little bread-and-butterflies kiss the tulips
# And the sun is like a toy balloon
# There are get-up-in-the-morning glories
# In the golden afternoon
# There are dancing daffodils on the hillside
# Strings of violets are all in tune
# Tiger lilies love the dandelions
# In the golden afternoon
# The golden afternoon
# There are dog-and-caterpillars and a copper centipede
# Where the lazy daisies love
# The very peaceful life they lead
# You can learn a lot of things from the flowers
# For especially in the month of June
# There's a wealth of happiness and romance
# All in the golden afternoon
[ringing]
[whistles]
[brass]
[strings]
# All in the golden afternoon
# The golden afternoon
# You can learn a lot of things from the flowers
# For especially in the month of June
# There's a wealth of happiness and romance
# All...
# In the golden afternoon #
[cymbals]
[clapping]
- That was lovely. - Thank you, my dear.
What kind of garden do you come from?
- I don't come from any garden. - Do you suppose she's a wild flower?
No, I'm not a wild flower.
Just what specie or shall we say genus are you, my dear?
Well, I suppose you'd call me a genus humanus Alice.
Ever see an Alice with a blossom like that?
Come to think of it, did you ever see an Alice?
And did you notice her petals?
What a peculiar color.
And no fragrance.
- Just look at those stems. - Rather scrawny, I'd say.
- I think she's pretty. - Quiet, Bud.
- But I'm not a flower. - Ah-ha! Just as I suspected.
She's nothing but a common mobile vulgaris.
[all] Oh, no!
- A common what? - To put it bluntly, a weed.
I'm not a weed.
- You wouldn't expect her to admit it. - Can you imagine?
- Well, goodness. - Don't let her stay and go to seed.
- Go on. - Please go.
- We don't want weeds in our bed. - Move along.
[trumpeting]
[squeals]
[barks]
All right. If that's the way you feel about it.
If I were my right size, I could pick every one of you if I wanted to.
And I guess that'd teach you.
[screams]
You can learn a lot of things from the flowers. [harrumphs]
Seems to me they could learn a few things about manners.
# A, E, I, O, U
# O, U, E, I, O, A
# U, E, I, A
# A, E, I, O, U #
Who are you?
Well, I... I hardly know, sir.
I've changed so many times, you see.
I do not see.
- Explain yourself. - I'm afraid I can't explain myself.
- Because I'm not myself, you know. - I do not know.
I can't put it any more clearly, for it isn't clear to me.
You? Who are you?
Well, don't you think you ought to tell me...
[coughs] ...who you are first?
Why?
Oh, dear. Everything is so confusing.
- It is not. - [Alice] Well it is to me.
- Why? - I can't remember things as I used to.
Recite.
Hmm? Oh, yes, sir. Erm...
How doth the little busy bee improve each...
[Caterpillar] Stop!
That is not spoken correcitally. It goes:
How...
[giggles]
[grunts]
How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail
And pour the waters of the Nile on every golden scale?
How cheer...
[clears throat]
[Alice giggles]
How cheerfully he seems to grin
How neatly spreads his claws
And welcomes little fishes in
With gently smiling jaws.
I've never heard it that way before.
I know. I have improved it.
Well... [coughs]
- If you ask me... - You?
Who are you?
[coughs]
[sneezes]
[harrumphs]
You, there. Girl.
Wait. Come back.
I have something important to say.
Oh, dear.
I wonder what he wants now.
[groans]
Well?
Keep your temper.
- Is that all? - No.
Exatically what is your problem?
It's exatically... exat... It's precisely this.
I should like to be a little larger, sir.
Why?
After all, three inches is such a wretched height.
I am exatically three inches high
and it is a very good height indeed!
But I'm not used to it, and you needn't... shout!
Oh, dear.
By the way, I have a few more helpful hints.
- One side will make you grow taller. - One side of what?
And the other side will make you grow shorter.
- The other side of what? - The mushroom, of course!
Hmm.
One side will make me grow...
But which is which?
After all that's happened, I... I wonder if I...
I don't care.
I'm tired of being only three inches high.
[shrieks]
[bird shrieks]
A serpent!
Help! Serpent! Serpent!
- But, please, please. - Off with you. Shoo. Go away. Serpent!
Serpent!
But I'm not a serpent.
Indeed? Then just what are you?
- I'm just a little girl. - Little? Little?!
[laughs]
Well, I am. I mean, I was.
And I suppose you don't eat eggs, either.
- Yes, I do. - I knew it. I knew it.
Serpent. Serpent!
For goodness' sake.
Hmm.
- And the other side will... - The very idea.
Spend all my time laying eggs for serpents like her.
[bird shrieks]
[gasps]
Goodness. I wonder if I'll ever get the knack of it.
There. That's much better.
Better save these.
Let's see. Where was I?
I wonder which way I ought to go.
# 'Twas brillig and the slithy toves
# Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
# All mimsy were the borogoves
# And the mome raths outgrabe
Where in the world do you suppose that...?
- Lose something? - Oh!
[Alice giggles]
No, I mean, I was just wondering...
That's quite all right.
One moment, please.
[harmonica]
Second chorus:
# 'Twas brillig and the slithy toves
# Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
- Why, you're a cat. - A Cheshire cat.
# All mimsy were the borogoves
Wait. Don't go, please.
There you are. Third chorus.
No. Thank you, but I just wanted to ask you which way I ought to go.
Well, that depends on where you want to get to.
It really doesn't matter, as long as I...
Then it really doesn't matter which way you go.
[Cheshire Cat hums]
# And the mome raths outgrabe #
Oh, by the way,
if you'd really to know, he went that way.
- Who did? - The white rabbit.
- He did? - He did what?
- Went that way. - Who did?
- The white rabbit. - What rabbit?
But didn't you just say... I mean... Oh, dear.
Can you stand on your head?
However, if I were looking for a white rabbit,
I'd ask the Mad Hatter.
The Mad Hatter? No, I don't want...
Or there's the March Hare in that direction.
Thank you. I think I shall visit him.
Of course, he's mad, too.
But I don't want to go among mad people.
Oh, you can't help that.
Most everyone's mad here.
[chuckles]
You may have noticed
that I'm not all there myself.
# And the mome raths outgrabe #
Goodness. If the people here are like that,
I must try not to upset them.
How very curious.
[Hare] # If there are no objections, let it be unanimous
- [Hatter] # A very merry unbirthday - [Hare] # A very merry unbirthday
[both] # A very merry unbirthday to us
[chorus of pipes]
# A very merry unbirthday to me
- # To who? - # To me
- # A very merry unbirthday to you - # Who, me?
# Let's all congratulate us with another cup of tea
# A very merry unbirthday
# To you #
[both] No room. No room.
- No room. - I thought there was plenty of room.
It's rude to sit without being invited.
I'll say it's rude. It's very, very rude indeed.
Very, very, very rude indeed.
I'm very sorry. But I did enjoy your singing.
- I wonder if you could tell me... - You enjoyed our singing?
Oh, what a delightful child.
I'm so excited. We never get compliments.
- You must have a cup of tea. - Yes, indeed. The tea.
- You must have a cup of tea. - [Alice] That would be nice.
I'm sorry I interrupted your birthday party. Thank you.
Birthday? [chuckles] My dear child, this is not a birthday party.
Of course not.
This is an unbirthday party.
Unbirthday? I'm sorry, but I don't quite understand.
It's very simple. 30 days have Sep... No.
An unbirthday... If you have a birthday, then you...
She doesn't know what an unbirthday is.
How silly.
Well...
[coughs]
I shall elucidate.
Statistics prove, prove that you've one birthday
Imagine, just one birthday every year
But there are 364 unbirthdays
Precisely why we're gathered here to cheer
Then today is my unbirthday, too.
- It is? - What a small world this is.
In that case...
# A very merry unbirthday
- # To me? - # To you.
- # A very merry unbirthday - # For me?
# For you.
# Now blow the candle out, my dear, and make your wish come true
[crackling]
#A very merry unbirthday to you #
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat
How I wonder what you're at
Up above the world you fly
Like a tea tray in the sky
- That was lovely. - And now, my dear...
You were saying that you would like to see...
Pardon me.
You were seeking some information of some kind?
Yes. I'm looking for a...
- Clean cup. Move down. - But I haven't used my cup.
Clean cup, clean cup, move down Clean cup, clean cup, move down
Would you like a little more tea?
I haven't had any yet, so I can't very well take more.
You mean you can't very well take less.
Yes. You can always take more than nothing.
- But I only meant that... - And now, my dear...
Something seems to be troubling you.
- Won't you tell us all about it? - Start at the beginning.
Yes.
And when you come to the end,... stop. See?
Well, it all started while I was sitting on the river bank with Dinah.
Very interesting.
Who's Dinah? [pants]
Dinah's my cat. You see...
[gasps] Cat?!
Get the jam. Put it on his nose.
On his nose.
My goodness. Those are the things that upset me.
See all the trouble you've started?
- I didn't think that... - If you don't think, don't talk.
Clean cup. Move down.
- But I still haven't used... - Move down, move down.
And now, my dear, as you were saying...?
Oh, yes. I was sitting on the river bank with you know who.
I do?
I mean my C-A-T.
Tea?
Just half a cup, if you don't mind.
Come, come, my dear. Don't you care for tea?
Yes, I'm very fond of tea, but...
You could at least make polite conversation.
I've been trying to ask you...
I have an excellent idea.
Let's change the subject.
Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Riddles? Let me see, now.
Why is a raven like a writing desk?
- I beg your pardon? - Why is a raven like a writing desk?
- Why is a what? - Careful.
- She's stark raven mad. - It's your silly riddle. You said...
- Don't get excited. - How about a nice cup of tea?
Have a cup of tea indeed! I'm sorry, but I just haven't the time!
The time? Who's got the time?
No, no, no. No time, no time, no time.
Hello, goodbye. I'm late, I'm late.
- The white rabbit. - I'm so late, I'm so very, very late.
Well, no wonder you're late. This clock is exactly two days slow.
- Two days slow? - Course you're late.
My goodness. We'll have to look into this.
Ah-ha. I see what's wrong with it. This watch is full of wheels.
Oh, my poor watch. Oh, my wheels and springs.
- But, but, but... - Butter, of course.
It needs some butter. Butter!
- Butter! - Butter?
Thank you. Butter. That's fine.
No, no, no. You'll get crumbs in it.
Oh, this is the very best butter. What are you talking about?
- Tea? - I never thought of tea. Of course.
- Not tea. - Sugar?
Sugar, just two spoons. Just two spoons.
- Thank you. - Please be careful.
- Jam. - Jam. I forgot all about jam.
- Shows you what a person'll do. - Mustard.
Mustard, yes.
Mustard? Don't let's be silly.
Lemon, that's different.
There. That should do it.
[ringing]
- Look at that. - It's going mad.
- Oh, dear. - It's going mad.
Mad watch. Mad watch. Mad watch.
Look.
There's only one way to stop a mad watch.
It's two days slow, that's what it is.
- My watch. [sniffs] - It was?
- And it was an unbirthday present, too. - In that case...
# A very merry unbirthday
# To you #
Mr. Rabbit. Oh, Mr. Rabbit.
Now where did he go to?
# A very merry unbirthday to us, to us
# A very merry unbirthday to us, to us #
Of all the silly nonsense.
This is the stupidest tea party I've ever been to in all my life.
I've had enough nonsense. I'm going home, straight home.
That rabbit. Who cares where he's going anyway?
If it hadn't been for him, I...
Tulgey Wood?
Curious. I don't remember this.
Let me see.
[gasps]
No, no, please. No more nonsense.
Now, if I came this way,
I should go back this way.
- [quacks] - Oh, I beg your pardon.
[quacks angrily]
[croak]
[drum]
[cymbal]
Goodness. When I get home, I shall write a book about this place.
If I... If I ever do get home.
[quacking]
Oh, erm... excuse me.
- Could one of you tell me...? - [squawking]
[giggles nervously] Never mind.
[distant screeching]
Oh, dear. It's getting dreadfully dark.
And nothing looks familiar.
[crunching]
I shall certainly be glad to get out of...
[chicks squeak]
[hoots]
[accordion]
It would be so nice if something would make sense for a change.
Oh!
Don't step on the mome raths.
The mome raths?
A path! Oh, thank goodness.
I just knew I'd find one sooner or later.
If I hurry, perhaps I might even be home in time for tea.
Won't Dinah be happy to see me!
I just can't wait till I... [gasps]
Oh, dear.
Now I shall never get out.
Well, when one's lost,
I... I suppose it's good advice
to stay where you are until someone finds you.
But who'd ever think to look for me here?
Good advice.
[sniffs]
If... if I'd listened earlier, I wouldn't be here.
But... But that's just the trouble with me.
I give myself very good advice.
# But I very seldom follow it
# That explains the trouble
# That I'm always in
# Be patient is very good advice
# But the waiting makes me curious
# And I'd love the change
# Should something strange begin
# Well, I went along my merry way
# And I never stopped to reason
# I should have known
# There'd be a price to pay someday
[sniffles] # Someday
# I give myself very good advice
# But I very seldom follow it
[sobs]
# Will I ever learn
# To do the things I should?
# Will I ever learn
# Learn to do the things I should? #
[Cheshire Cat hums]
# And the mome raths outgrabe
Oh, Cheshire Cat, it's you.
Whom did you expect? The white rabbit, perchance?
No, no, no. I'm through with rabbits.
I wanna go home. But I can't find my way.
Naturally. That's because you have no way.
All ways here, you see, are the queen's ways.
- But I've never met any queen. - You haven't? You haven't?
Oh, but you must.
She'll be mad about you, simply mad. [laughs]
# And the mome raths outgrabe
Please, please. How can I find her?
Well, some go this way.
Some go that way.
But as for me, myself, personally,...
I prefer the short cut.
[door creaks]
Oh.
[distant whistling]
[humming]
# Painting the roses red We're painting the roses red
# We dare not stop or waste a drop So let the paint be spread
# We're painting the roses red We're painting the roses red
# Painting the roses red And many a tear we shed
# Because we know they'll cease to grow
# In fact, they'll soon be dead
[all sob]
# And yet we go ahead painting the roses red
# Painting the roses red We're painting the roses red
# Pardon me but, Mr. Three, why must you paint them red?
[all] Huh? Oh!
Well, the fact is, miss,
we planted the white roses by mistake, and...
# The queen, she likes them red If she saw white instead
- # She'd raise a fuss - # And each of us
# Would quickly lose his head
Goodness.
# Since this is the thought we dread We're painting the roses red
Oh, dear. Then let me help you.
# Painting the roses red We're painting the roses red
# Don't tell the queen what you have seen or say that's what we said
- # We're painting the roses red - # Yes, painting the roses red
- # Not pink - # Not green
- # Not aquamarine - # We're painting the roses red #
[fanfare]
- The queen! - The queen!
[commander] Cards, halt!
Count off!
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, jack.
[bugle]
The rabbit.
[pants]
Her Imperial Highness, Her Grace,
Her Excellency, Her Royal Majesty, the Queen of Hearts.
[all cheer]
- And the king. - [card] Hooray!
Hmm!
Who's been painting my roses red?
Who's been painting my roses red?!
Who dares to paint with vulgar paint the royal flower bed?
For painting my roses red
Someone will lose his head
No, Your Majesty, please. It's all his fault.
Not me, Your Grace. The ace.
- You? - No. Two.
- The deuce, you say? - Not me. The trey.
That's enough! Off with their heads!
[cheering]
# They're going to lose their heads for painting the roses red
# Serves them right, they planted white and roses should be red
# They're going to lose their heads
Silence!
- Please, they were only trying... - And who is this?
Well. Well now, let me see, my dear.
It certainly isn't a heart. Do you suppose it's a club?
Why, it's a little girl.
- Yes. And I was hoping... - Look up. Speak nicely.
And don't twiddle your fingers.
Turn out your toes. Curtsy.
Open your mouth a little wider.
And always say, Yes, Your Majesty.
- Yes, Your Majesty. - [Queen chuckles]
Now, where d'you come from and where are you going?
- I'm trying to find my way home. - Your way?!
All ways here are my ways!
Yes, I know. But I was just thinking...
Curtsy while you're thinking. It saves time.
Yes, Your Majesty. But I was only going to ask...
I'll ask the questions!
- Do you play croquet? - Yes, Your Majesty.
Then let the game begin!
To your places! By order of the king! Hurry!
[commander] Shuffle deck!
Cards, cut!
Deal cards!
Cards, halt!
[squeaking]
Silence!
[cheering]
Off with his head!
Off with his head. By order of the king. You heard what she said.
- You're next. - But...
- My dear. - Yes, Your Majesty.
[giggles]
[laughter]
Oh!
[giggles]
Stop!
Of all the impossible...
- Do you want us both to lose our heads? - Uh-huh.
Well, I don't.
Huh? [squawks]
[laughter]
[Cheshire Cat hums]
I say, how are you getting on?
- Not at all. - Beg pardon?
- I said not at all. - Who are you talking to?
- A cat, Your Majesty. - Cat? Where?
There.
- There he is again. - I warn you, child.
If I lose my temper, you lose your head.
Understand?
You know, we could make her really angry.
- Shall we try? - No.
- But it's loads of fun. - No. Stop.
Oh, no!
Oh, my fur and whiskers.
Oh, dear. Save the queen.
[Queen] Someone's head will roll for this.
Yours!
Off with her...
But, consider, my dear. Couldn't she have a trial... first?
- Trial? - Well, just a little trial?
Very well, then. Let the trial begin.
[cheering]
[fanfare]
Your Majesty,... members of the jury,...
loyal subjects,...
- [clears throat] - ...and the king.
The prisoner is charged with enticing Her Majesty the Queen of Hearts
into a game of croquet and willfully and with malice aforethought
teasing, tormenting and otherwise annoying...
Never mind all that! Get to the part where I lose my temper.
[mumbles] ...causing the queen to lose her temper.
Now... are you ready for your sentence?
Sentence? But there must be a verdict first.
Sentence first! Verdict afterwards.
- But that just isn't the way... - All ways are...
Your ways, Your Majesty.
Yes, my child.
- Off with her... - Consider, my dear.
We've called no witnesses. Couldn't we hear maybe one or two, huh?
- Maybe? - Oh, very well.
But get on with it!
First witness. Herald, call the first witness.
[Rabbit] The March Hare.
What do you know about this unfortunate affair?
- Nothing. - Nothing whatever?!
- Nothing whatever! - That's very important!
Jury, write that down.
Unimportant, Your Majesty means, of course.
Silence! Next witness.
The Dormouse.
- Well? - Shh.
[whispers] What have you to say about this?
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat How I wonder...
That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet.
Write that down!
Twinkle, twinkle...
Twinkle, twinkle. What next?
[Rabbit] The Mad Hatter.
[giggles]
- Off with your hat! - Oh, my.
Where were you when this horrible crime was committed?
I was home drinking tea.
Today, you know, is my unbirthday.
Why, my dear, today is your unbirthday, too.
- It is? - It is?
[crowd] It is?
- # A very merry unbirthday - # To me?
Oh, no.
- # A very merry unbirthday - # For me?
# For you
# Now blow the candle out, my dear, and make your wish come true
# A very merry unbirthday
# To you #
- Oh, Your Majesty. - Yes, my dear?
- Look. There he is now. - What? Who?
- The Cheshire Cat. - Cat?
Cat! Cat! C-c-c-c! Cat!
- There he goes. - This is terrible. Help.
- Stop him. - Catch him, somebody. Help me.
- Get me the jam. - The jam. By order of the king.
- The jam. - Let me have it.
Somebody's head is going to roll for this!
Ah-ha!
The mushroom.
Off with her...
[cards shout]
Oh, pooh. I'm not afraid of you.
Why, you're nothing but a pack of cards.
Rule 42: all persons more than a mile high must leave the court immediately.
I'm not a mile high, and I'm not leaving.
[chuckles nervously] Sorry. Rule 42, you know.
And as for you,... Your Majesty.
Your Majesty indeed. You're not a queen.
You're just a fat, pompous, bad-tempered old ty... tyrant.
[chuckles]
And er... what were you saying, my dear?
Well, she simply said that you're a fat, pompous, bad-tempered old tyrant.
Off with her head!
You heard what Her Majesty said. Off with her head.
# Forward, backward, inward, outward Here we go again
# No one ever loses and no one can ever win
# Backward, forward, outward, inward Bottom to the top #
Off with her head! Off with her head!
You can't leave a tea party without having a cup of tea.
But I can't stop now.
But we insist. You must join us in a cup of tea.
Off with her head!
Mr. Caterpillar. What will I do?
Who are you?
[coughs]
There she goes. Don't let her get away.
Off with her head!
Oh...
- Still locked, you know. - But the queen. I simply must get out.
- But you are outside. - What?
See for yourself.
Why, that's me. I'm asleep.
Don't let her get away! Off with her head!
Alice, wake up! Please wake up, Alice.
Please wake up, Alice.
[echoes] Alice, Alice, Alice...
Alice, will you kindly pay attention and recite your lesson?
Hm?
Oh! How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail
- And pour the waters of... - Alice, what are you talking about?
- I'm sorry, but the caterpillar said... - Caterpillar?
Oh, for goodness' sake.
Alice, I... Oh, well. Come along. It's time for tea.
# Alice in Wonderland
# Over the hill or here or there
# I wonder where
# Alice in Wonderland
# How do you get to Wonderland?
# Over the hill or underland
# Or just behind the tree?
# Alice in Wonderland
# Where is the path to Wonderland?
# Over the hill or here or there
# I wonder where

 
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