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with Lawrence Kasdan as Dr. Green, Helen Hunt as Carol Connelly, Jack Nicholson as Melvin Udall
MELVIN UDALL: Worst sidewalk in New York. Look where they put it. Help!
DOCTOR GREEN: If you want to see me you will not do this. You will make an appointment...
MELVIN UDALL: Doctor Green, how you can diagnose someone as "obsessive compulsive disorder" and then act like I have any choice in barging in.
DOCTOR GREEN: There's not going to be a debate. You must leave.
MELVIN UDALL: You said you could help me, what was that, a tease?
DOCTOR GREEN: I can help you if you take the responsibility to keep regular...
MELVIN UDALL: You changed the room around...
DOCTOR GREEN: Two years ago... I also regrew my beard but you're not interested in changes in me so it's...
MELVIN UDALL: Shhhhhhh. I don't have this mountain of available time... I got to get to my restaurant on time. Do you know how hard it is for me to be here?
DOCTOR GREEN: Yes. No, we're not doing this now.
MELVIN UDALL: I changed just one pattern, as you always said I should.
DOCTOR GREEN: No. Nope.
MELVIN UDALL: What if this is as good as it gets?
WAITRESS: What the heck are those for?
MELVIN UDALL: No. No. Get Carol.
WAITRESS: I'm filling in. We don't know if she's coming back. She might have to get a job closer to home. Why plastic?
MELVIN UDALL: What are you trying to do to me?
WAITRESS: What do you mean?
MELVIN UDALL: Look, elephant girl. Go get Carol or something. Just have her do my one meal here. I'll pay whatever you want. I'll wait. Do it!
WAITRESS: Bryan. Code blue.
MANAGER BRIAN: Out! Just shut up and get out. Do it!
MELVIN UDALL: I'll be quiet. Just let me stay here. No problem. Go get Carol. I'm not a prick. You are. I'm not judging. I'm a great customer. This day has been a disaster. I'm not sure if I can handle this.
MANAGER BRIAN: Get out! Get out immediately or there's going to be trouble.
MELVIN UDALL: Carol's last name?
MELVIN UDALL: Thank you.
MELVIN UDALL: I'm hungry. You've ruined my whole day. I haven't eaten.
CAROL CONNELLY: What are you doing here?
MELVIN UDALL: This is not a sexist thing.
CAROL CONNELLY: Are you totally gone? This is my private home...
MELVIN UDALL: I'm trying to keep emotions out of this. Even though this is an important issue to me and I have very strong feelings about the subject.
CAROL CONNELLY: What subject? That I wasn't there to take crap from you and bring you eggs? Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get?
MELVIN UDALL: Yes, I do, as a matter of fact and to prove it I have not gotten personal and you have. Why aren't you at work? You're not sick. You don't look sick. Just tired and bitter.
CAROL CONNELLY: My son is sick, okay?
MELVIN UDALL: What about your mother?
CAROL CONNELLY: How do you know about my mother?
MELVIN UDALL: I hear you talk while I wait.
SPENCER: Mom, I finished my juice.
CAROL CONNELLY: I'm sorry. One sec.
MELVIN UDALL: How you doing? You should answer when someone talks to you...
CAROL CONNELLY: Sorry, Melvin. I can't handle you teaching my son manners.
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