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with Greg Kinnear as Simon Bishop, Helen Hunt as Carol Connelly, Jack Nicholson as Melvin Udall;
SIMON BISHOP: No direction. Okay. What I do is I watch. Ever watch somebody who doesn't know you're watching them? An old woman sitting on a bus? Or kids going to school? Somebody just waiting, and you see this flash come over them. And you know immediately it has nothing to do with anything external because nothing changes. They're just sort of realer and more alive. If you look at someone long enough, you discover their humanity.
CAFE 24 WAITRESS: I got on the third line of dialogue. And all of a sudden I blanked.
MELVIN UDALL: Clip pityclop. Ignores me.
CAFE 24 WAITRESS: So he said to me, "Last chance." So I came back in.
MELVIN UDALL: Here she comes to ignore me again.
CAFE 24 WAITRESS: I messed up the same line. But guess what?
CAROL CONNELLY: What?
CAFE 24 WAITRESS: He cast me!
MELVIN UDALL: Just what the world needs. Another actress.
CAROL CONNELLY: Okay! Okay! Can't live without me? I'm finally going to ask. What's with the plastic picnic ware? Why not try ours... afraid it isn't clean?
MELVIN UDALL: I see the help, judgement call.
CAROL CONNELLY: Just give yourself a little pep talk. "Must try other people's clean silverware as part of the fun of dining out."
MELVIN UDALL: What's wrong with your son?
CAROL CONNELLY: He's gotta fight to breathe. His asthma can just shoot off the charts, he's allergic to dust and this is New York and his immune system bails on him when there's trouble so an ear infection... Is this bothering you?
MELVIN UDALL: No.
CAROL CONNELLY: An ear infection, anything, can send us to the emergency room, maybe five, six times a month, where I get whatever nine-year-old they just made a doctor. Nice chatting with you.
MELVIN UDALL: His name?
CAROL CONNELLY: Spencer.
MELVIN UDALL: Okay.
CAROL CONNELLY: Spence.
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